Some time back, I had attended a workshop organised at work. It was meant to help a bunch of women find their voice and open up their minds. One of my take away points was about self respect and another was how we continuously use sexist messages and the sub conscious conditioning they provide.
The above signpost in Himachal Pradesh is an excellent example of that. The direct role allocation here is that
Women Gossip. Men Drive
Do you find such sexist messages offensive? I do. For the sole reason that even laced in humor, they reinforce the regressive conditioning we have had on gender roles. Women stay at home, cook, raise families and gossip. Men go out into the world, earn money and take care of all the chores outside of home. As long as this is an agreed division of chores in a single family unit, it is all right. To use that in a derogatory way stating that the women is indulging in a frivolous activity while the man is doing something important, something of responsibility and that the woman is disturbing him is not acceptable.
Sexist Messages: Why they are damaging
In India, I feel we are coming of age as an urban society. More and more opportunities are opening to women and they are freely venturing into the hitherto male dominated areas. While we nurse our sub conscious biases about women needing protection and nurturing, we are allowing the ones who want to shed their delicate flower image to do so. The balance is still precarious in my opinion and we need to be very careful about what we are telling our future generations. Would I want my daughter to grow up with the conditioning that its okay to be yapping away to glory while her man navigates hair pin bends on a mountain road? No. I would not. I would like her to be confident enough to volunteer to take the wheel. To actually maneuver some of those precarious turns. The driving example is especially closer to my heart because I have a phobia of driving. It may be an individual thing or a gender thing. While I like to believe it is the former, I am not sure. However, I do not want to expose my child to such messages. I want her to understand that she is an individual first and that she has a choice to be what she wants, irrespective of what society advocates.
Sexist Messages to Promoting Individual Choices
I am not the only one who feel so. There are various forums, initiatives and campaigns that are trying to educate people about the damaging effects of such sexist messages. About asking them to broaden their thinking. To open their mind. To tell them that man or woman is an individual first and should have the freedom to live their life on their terms, without the society judging them. One such campaign is the Titan celebrating today’s woman and her choices. Most of you would have seen the ad about a couple who meet years after breaking up. You can see that again here.
In this ad, the woman in question re affirms to the man that her reasons for breaking up with him were right and even after all these years he hasn’t been able to change his way of thinking. In our society, accepting what the woman says in this video would be very difficult to digest. About the woman pursuing her career and the man being a home maker.
Sexist Messages are Damaging the Men Too
Having said all that, I am also aware that there is another side to the coin. The Man’s side. This side gets buried very often in the tirade of feminist communication. We sometimes forget that sexist messages are damaging to the men too. Take the same example of the signboard above. There is a pressure on the man to be the one to drive. To be the one responsible for the safety of everyone in the car. Admitting that he does not want to shoulder that responsibility or is scared would label him a wimp. As a society we are so quick to judge others and label them. Linking back to the Titan ad, what would happen if the man did as the woman suggested? Any man who willingly wants to be a home maker will be looked down upon. Can you imagine the number of questions that will be thrown at him? The amount of justifications he will have to provide? Everyone from the household help to the relatives to his neighbour’s cousin’s sister-in-law’s friend who will hear about him will have an opinion about him. More often than not, an unpleasant one.
The point I have been trying to make? Sexist messages need to stop! They are damaging to everyone and while the makers may feel they are light humor, they are doing no good to the future generations and they we are shaping our world.
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Very nice post. I so agree, and even as far as women have come here in The States, there are still problems, some people don’t even realize. When our daughter was young there was great book we often read to her, a Bernstein Bears Book. He Bear, She Bear. Telling little girls and boys they can be whatever they want to be. Happy A-Z
I agree in this post Ankita, but today’s generation is a lot of difference, women are now more productive that men. Most of the countries now a days have equality in both genders and treated fair.
Edward, I am glad you think so and are promoting this thought. There is a conscious shift at the workplace and at homes which is lessening this gap. However, we still have plenty of sub conscious messaging that re enforces such beliefs. It is upto us, the living people of today to change that!
I think its your mind that told you that this message is sexist. The message is written for fellow passenger who is sitting right next to the driver. That passenger can be a man or a woman, a guy or a gal. I believe that it’s your perspective that made you to think that this message is sexist.
Another thing is that this message is on a road that is maintained by BRO and is in hilly area. It happens that a fellow passenger who doesn’t use to be a native of hilly areas, uses to get mesmerized by the landscapes and the beauty and starts to chit chat with the driver. That takes away the concentration of him/her and leads to accident. And driving in hilly road is completely different than driving in planes. If you go off the road in planes your vehicle uses to be on unmettled road. However, in hills, if you go off the road, your vehicle uses to be in a ditch.
But yeah rather than painting let him drive, BRO could have painted let him/her drive. You could have felt better then.
-Nitin Balodi
I agree that I immediately perceived that it was ‘meant to be a woman’ disturbing the driver. But my point in the post is that the assumption again is that the driver is a man. There is an element of humor in the message and we can take it in the lighter vein. The problem is the sub conscious conditioning we do with such messages. There are many many examples in popular media as well of the different types of sexist messaging. All it does is block free thoughts, limit individuality.
In agreement with you. There are some sexist messages making women feel less than men or making a mockery on them. And it surely hurts the sentiments and thoughts of women. However, at the same time they affect men also. For example, “crying in a girl thing”, this message uses to be feed in a guy mind since he comes into his senses. Now for him crying is something that is confined to girls only and if he is depressed and wants to cry, he will not and will become more depressed. So these sexist messages hurts men also . Nevertheless, in a latent manner.
Lets take this message also. Now if chit chatting is only a girly thing then most of the guys will avoid chatting with their friend when he will be driving though how important the matter is or how much he wants to share the thing with his friend. It affects… Newton third law of Sexism is operating here. :p :p
_Nitin Balodi
Yes they do. And I have cited that side of the story as well. The guy who being at home having to justify his reasons to every Tom, Dick and Harry! That’s why we need to break free of sexist messaging!
Lol @ Newton’s Third Law… 😛
It really is sad, that people still.insult women and think that they gossip.
They do… fact is most people do. Its only when this is used as an insult in a derogatory fashion is when there is a problem!
The society is changing. It takes time. There’s a lot of awareness now. But mindsets don’t change all of a sudden.
I agree.. but it takes an effort. If all of us do the little bit that we can, then the change may happen faster!