There is much work to be done, but my brain fails to process the information that is thrown at me. With much effort I get the brain to work, but my hands refuse to obey the orders it sends out…
I feel like I am living in a zombie state – going from one activity to another without creally living it. I have begun to listen to the dham-dham music as I used to call it. That is essentially music with very loud beats. After a while, I realise I haven’t soaked up the song as I used to… I haven’t lived the music as I used to. It faded into the background in a while and I couldn’t tell when tracks change. I start an activity and dont take it to completion. A movie I began seeing last week still needs about 40 mins of my attention. A painting I began last year has patches of blank canvas staring back at me. Half written stories and poems call me to themselves all the time… I no longer get happiness out of these things. Sometimes, I feel I am doing this just to continue being the same person I once was… I am clinging to these things, not willing to change… and that seems to be a big reason for the way I feel right now…